This morning, I’m part running mom, part ninja, part mental freak-o. You’ll see what I mean below.
Do you ever watch your thoughts? Please just say yes. Heading out for my run this morning, I thought I’d pay attention a little. The thought quality is unimpressive, the randomness startling. Here’s the gist.
I’m ready. Wait. Where are my headphones? Feeling good. Going to have a great run. Have a great run! I should have figured out my podcast before. I’m wasting time. I’m going to be so late coming back. It’ll be fine. It’s fine. Ow. What was that on my ankle? I’m fine. It’s fine. I feel fine. No, I feel good. It’s good. I’m good. Road looks flat but actually a hill. So annoying. They did this to me on purpose. Just turn already. No, you go. Just go. Fine, I’ll go. Yes, I’m overdressed. I just like being warm…………………………………..Who eats Arby’s? This podcast isn’t doing it. I’m not switching. Mile 1, average pace 10’52”. I
’m slow. I’m so slow. And I had all that cake yesterday. That should have helped, right? Cute dog. Why don’t my dogs walk so nicely? We need training. I should buy some hotdogs. What should I put the hotdogs in while we’re walking? Those chairs have been out there for, like, 4 days lady. No one wants them. How long should you leave something out before accepting that no one wants it? Like, a week maybe? I don’t know. That heater has been out by our trash for a while. Mile 2, average pace 10’40”.
That’s better. I hate how my fingers smell after touching hotdogs. What does Arby’s even make? Fries. Maybe curly fries. I love curly fries. Giant was out of Little Bites. I need to make Linc some muffins. Do we have enough muffin papers? I should have ordered backups………………………………. Another hill. Is it possible this run is more uphill than down…………………………(think hard on that for a few minutes)………….Ashley said heels down, shoulders back. Mile 3, average pace 11’03”.
That fine, I needed to switch to music. I don’t know how to bait a hook either. I should learn. Fishing is an important skill. Just in case. How’d that fork get there? I’m feeling great. Spit, snot rocket. This is why I need to run alone. I am so gross. This is great. I could keep going for, like, a while. How did this much dog fur get on my pants? I had them on for, like, 6 totally minutes in the house. I need to vacuum. I need to make a list when I get back. What do I feel like wearing today? Something stretchy. I’m not washing my hair. Mile 4, average pace 11’14”.
Damn. Not sure what happened there. I’m so slow. But, I’m feeling good. I have no injuries. It’s probably because I’m so slow. I should just stay slow. Heels down, shoulders. Shoulders!............................So, definitely something stretchy. I haven’t worn that green sweatshirt in a while. I love that thing. Okay, that makes me happy. I have something to look forward to. I can’t run with other people. I’m too gross. I think I make more mucus than other people. No one needs to see that. That sweatshirt. How did that ball get there? Where’s orange shirt guy? ………………………………..Why does he always hold his shirt up in the middle like that? It’s like some kind of running blankie for him. Shoulders. Mile 5, average pace 10’18”.
Damn. Feeling good. Glad I’m almost done. Why am I not done? What are the kids doing? I didn’t see the oldsters today. Siren, siren, siren. Hope everyone’s okay. What could have happened this early? Should I have oatmeal? I’ll have oatmeal. Just one more street and then I’m done. I’m so done. If this bitchy Fitbit says “time to hydrate” I’m going to… I don’t know. I just hate that shit. I’m done. Woohoo. I feel so awesome. I smell. Ew. Not fit for human consumption. Fitbit says, “5 and done.” That’s right. I’m done.